McElhinny: Are school curriculums moving in the ‘write’ direction?

Tuesday, July 2, 2019 | 12:01 AM

When children of this generation begin referring to cursive as “Grandma’s secret code,” we have a problem.

There are teens throughout the country who cannot read or write in cursive. Imagine American kids who are unable to read a copy of the Declaration of Independence, the Emancipation Proclamation, or the Constitution of the United States.

Many states already have dropped cursive from their curriculums in favor of classes with names like “keyboard proficiency,” which is a fancy way of saying “typing on steroids.”

This basically means that kids will be unable to write their signature, but they will know what the F7 key does. Does it really make sense to remove this elementary school skill from our students’ repertoire?

We are being told that handwriting takes up time that can be used for other, more important things. But that’s just a smokescreen. I think something more sinister is the reason for the possible extinction of cursive — something that nobody wants to admit.

School boards nationwide secretly are cooking up a plot during private, executive sessions. The reason for the demise of cursive? It’s because educators have not been able to insert the letter “H” into a cutesy acronym.

I know you think this is a conspiracy theory on my part, but the facts are undeniable.

When they came out with STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics), I thought it was a very clever way to promote learning. When I heard about STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics), I thought it was nice that they included art.

The term STREAM (Science, Technology, Religion, Engineering, Art, and Mathematics) seemed to make sense, particularly in Christian schools. But when I recently was introduced to STEMM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics and Medicine) — which isn’t even a real word — again omitting handwriting, I finally saw this for what it is. An educational witch hunt!

When I came to this epiphany, I wanted to SCREAM (Stop Creating Ridiculously Extreme Acronyms, Man).

Will our kids really fall way behind the rest of the world if they spend an hour a week in third grade (about 12 minutes a day) doing cursive worksheets?

Something has to be done, so I’ve concocted a scheme to get the educational czars excited about cursive again. It’s a solution that should make everybody happy. I would like to introduce you to SCHEME (Science, Computers, Handwriting, English, Math, Engineering).

Now that’s a balanced curriculum.

We owe SCHEME to our kids so that someday when they become professionals and all the education that STEM-like classes have provided make them millionaires, they won’t have to endorse that first huge paycheck by scrawling a crooked “X” on the line.